Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I'm dreaming of white sandy beaches and sunshine. ~sm
So, what I thought was a bipolar remission turned out to be more layers of awareness. Between the bipolar illness and the DID and the borderline crap I can hardly tell at times what is what. I saw my doctor today and we both agree that becoming more aware is progress, all the same. Like I told her this morning, "The bad news is that I am in a mixed state (depressed and hypo-manic). The good news is that I am aware that I am hypo-manic." 

There is an art to everything if you look long enough and being mentally ill is no exception. If I know what my patterns are then I can begin to work on embracing or changing them. Bipolar, I'm embracing. The other stuff, I'm changing bit by bit. It can be overwhelming if I let it.

Writing and sharing is really helping me to see patterns in my moods and behaviors, so if you have been following along- Thank-you! Making depression an interesting topic can be an impossible task at times. there are many moments when I doubt the validity of sharing my thoughts in a public forum, but days like today-when I am made aware of  progress- I know are partly due to this process of shining light where there is darkness. The blog helps me do that.

4 comments:

  1. Agreed... Being aware of the hypo-states cannot be undervalued. Too often I have seen this behavior described as fine or doing great just minutes before the pendulum swings.

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  2. I'm glad you share. I've found blogging to be very helpful for me. It helps me know there are other other there stuggling with similar issues. And yes, it helps me pick up on my patterns.
    Your posts make me think of the serinity prayer. You know the one about being able to accept things you can't change, change things you can and the wisdom to know the difference. It sound like you're making great stides.

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  3. Thanks for following along, John. I'd be interested in your thoughts on the subject. Here's to seeing you soon!

    ~sm

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  4. Hi Stacy!

    Its funny that you should mention the word, "Prayer," I feel like all my posts are just that, a prayer. I look forward to turning the corner with you into the new year ahead. Blessings!

    ~sm

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